At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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