I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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