you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What a dumb baby whore.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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