For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
