Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
