I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
