I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
