White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Drake has all the answers
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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