She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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