can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize