even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
