I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
