you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
