Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize