one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
