Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
