She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
