I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
