I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.