I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.