my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV