You really coming over, don't trick.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...