If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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