Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
