I got chris browned last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize