I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
