she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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