Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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