he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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