why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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