Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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