There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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