I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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