1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize