then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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