But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
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Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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