Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
