quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
