My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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