Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
