I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
