It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I deserve this hangover.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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