I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
