You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize