Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
