1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
