I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
