I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.