im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him