Don't you send me to vm
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.