i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.