Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?