The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
