Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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