Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
