I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
