Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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